I hit rock bottom and was devastated for my children and I. He was struggling and confused as to what he wanted. The exact thing happened to me last year. But I just can’t seem to let go of hope that he’s going to snap out of it and come home and tell me it’s all going to be ok. I’ve hit rock bottom and everyone is telling me to give up hope so that I can accept this and be stronger for my children. He’s now moved out & is doing things he would never have done such as going out every night (he doesn’t drink), taking pride in his appearance and I’m very suspicious he is having an affair. He was a caring, gentle, family man and brilliant hands on father. Has become emotionally cut off and the way he’s ending things goes against his morals. He’s turned hatful, resentful and nasty to me. Although things haven’t been great it was a shock that he woke one morning and said I don’t love you & we will never be in a relationship again. Arguments have become worse in the last couple of years. We’ve both been through a stressful few years of having the children and both studying for our masters degree. I haven’t been a perfect wife and have been very argumentative, perfectionist and controlling. In the 15 years we’ve been together he has doted on me and always said how he loves me and we are his world. My husband of 12 years told me 8 weeks ago that our marriage is over. When you do, his midlife crisis will disappear and the good man you fell for will return. It seemed like a miracle, but now I’ve seen the same transformation happen for thousands of other women who followed the same steps.Īnd if I can do it, and they can too, then why not you? The thoughtful, considerate, unselfish man I’d married came back and was loving and sweet again. When I returned control of my husband’s life to its rightful owner, and acted like he was competent and capable-like I had when we fell in love-something magical happened. The more I acted like I trusted him to make good decisions and swallowed my urge to tell him what those good decisions should be, the more he seemed like that responsible, devoted guy I fell in love with.
#Anna nalick husband how to
It wasn’t until I learned how to be respectful-and especially to relinquish the inappropriate control I thought I should have over his life-that there was a change in the climate. I would have missed the most valuable lesson of my whole life AND the amazing marriage I have now. I tried ultimatums, tears and threats of divorce. That still didn’t get him to respond any better. When I could no longer get the outcome I wanted by trying to persuade, cajole, beg or make demands of my husband, I felt heartbroken, betrayed and furious. I believed that if he would just do what I was telling him to do, everything would be great.īut now I know better. But at the time, I blamed him for all our problems. He wanted to be his own man, and have the autonomy that all men crave. What about what I wanted him to do?īut he’d been bending as far as he could for a long time, and one day he didn’t want to bend anymore. The heart message behind a midlife crisis is a man saying, “I want control over my own life and decisions.”įrom my point of view, that seemed hostile and uncaring. He just had a chronic case of critical, controlling wife-itis. My husband wasn’t having a midlife crisis at all.
Turns out he was just tired of being nagged, nit-picked and micromanaged. He wasn’t willing to listen to reason, from my perspective. He was angry, contrary and uncooperative. He seemed like a different person than the guy I married. It made sense to me to try to teach him how to do things when I knew better, but as it turned out, there were a lot of things I thought I knew how to do better than him.Īt first it was irritating, but over time it became unbearable, and that’s when it seemed like he really flipped out. In other words, I was a controlling shrew, but I didn’t realize it. Or tell him not to order Coke at dinner because it’s such a rip-off at restaurants. Or ask him why he wanted to get his friend a Christmas present when his friend didn’t get him one last year. I’d explain why he should go to the store while he was already out instead of making a special trip because it’s more efficient. Of course, he’s a grown man, so I couldn’t stop him from doing what he wanted.īut I often tried to get him to do what I wanted instead. It had to do with feeling like he never got what he wanted because-and this is the embarrassing part-I rarely let him do what he wanted. The reason he quit both his job and the band we played in together on the same day (without breathing a word about it to me) was not because he had middle-age crazies. The reason he was depressed and grumpy, distant and selfish had nothing to do with being in midlife. The reason I ask is because my husband exhibited many of the symptoms of a midlife crisis years ago, and that wasn’t the problem.
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